Emotional week

This week has been a roller coaster. Work was great, work was horrible (turns out I get too emotional and think everything is a worst case scenario).

I felt a lot better today physically. I was really upset after leaving work, but I decided to go to the gym anyway (my weigh-in was today and I didn't go to the fitness class yesterday). I worked out quite a bit of my over-excited emotions.

Good news at the weigh-in. I lost five pounds. :)

Your Measurement Results: Neck Shoulders Arm Chest Thorax Belly Button Waist Hips Thigh Knee Calf Ankle First 14.500 49.000 15.000 48.000 43.000 54.000 53.000 53.000 27.000 0.000 17.000 0.000 Last 13.500 46.500 13.750 44.000 40.500 50.000 51.000 50.500 26.500 0.000 15.750 0.000 Diff. 1 2.5 1.25 4 2.5 4 2 2.5 0.5 0 1.25 0 Totals From First Visit Totals From Last Visit Total Lost Inches 373.5 352 21.5 Fat 50.7 47.9 2.8 Weight 251.80 232.00 19.8

My goal this week is to attempt to lose somewhere close to 4.8 pounds so I can meet my reach goal for the 8-week mark (24 pounds lost).  My end goal is to weigh 215.8 pounds (36 pound weight loss) when I go to Disney World. Why? It will be ridiculously hot and there will be TONS of walking. My realistic goal is to weight 221.80 pounds (30 pound weight loss). I'm trying one of the pizzas today -- I'm hoping it tastes wonderful.

Still hard...

The last couple days I've had moments of being lightheaded with sound distortion lasting about a half a second. I'm not sure if this is from the protocol or if I'm coming down with something.

To make matters worse, I injured my knee somehow a couple months ago. I started going to physical therapy a week and a half ago and PT has only seemed to make my knee worse. I did 4 weeks of the WiO fitness classes with no bad side effects, but simple PT for a week and a half seems to have led my knee to deteriorate. Oh yeah, according to the MRI and X-rays, there's nothing wrong with my knee, just some inflammation.

I feel like I'm still stalled at the same place I've been for the last three weeks. I still only like a few vegetables and I'm not super adept at cooking, so I'm quickly growing tired of the meal options available to me. I really hope this gets better.

Finally, a price list...

Well I finally got around to getting a price list from Elevate.  Here it is:

Item	Price
MRP – chocolate or vanilla (includes weekly coaching/testing and group fitness classes 3x/week)	$80
Udo’s Oil – Omega 3-6-9	$42 (32oz), $20 (8.5oz), $28 (180 capsules)
Smart Flour (regular or gluten free)	$26 (regular), $35 (gluten free)
Smart & Sweet	$38
Chocolate squares	$14
Smart pizza (6 pack) – chicken alfredo, pepperoni	$36
Smart chicken pot pie – 5” round	$10
Smart quiche – ham and cheese or spinach/mushroom/sun-dried tomato – 9” round	$25
Smart rolls (10 pack)	$8
Smart buns (8 pack)	$8
Smart muffins (6 pack) – mixed berry, chocolate, morning glory	$15
Smart cookies – chocolate chip, ginger snap	$9
WiO smart pie – apple, pumpkin	$25
Flavoring (1oz – double concentrated)	$9
Flavoring (1.7oz)	$7
Carb-X capsules	$1 each
Blender bottle	$10
Real salt	$3 (2oz), $6 (4.75oz)

I'll get more information about the weight of the flour and sweetener next time I am at Elevate.

Exercise details

I realized I hadn't dedicated a blog post detailing what the fitness classes had been like so far.  We've moved more to circuit exercises, each a minute long, with planks/push-ups/other horrible things in between. Here's a breakdown of what we did yesterday:

1. Come early enough, do a warm-up on the bike/treadmill/elliptical
2. Stretch with a 4ft long piece of PVC pipe (1" diameter). We hoist it up on our shoulders lengthwise and use it to stabilize our arms as we stretch
3. Use that same pipe for balance while doing 20 squats and 10 lunges on each leg
4. The circuit (I'll go in the order of where I started and with the weights I used)
1. Wall bounces with a 6lb medicine ball (basically the same as quick wall bounces with a basketball)
2. Woodchops with the same medicine ball
3. Balanced squats on a Bosu ball
4. Bent over rows with a 5lb weight
5. Lateral raises with a 3lb weight
6. Vertical raises with a 5lb weight
7. Battle ropes
8. Tricep pull downs
9. Mountain climbers (Jake runs)
10. Rope climb (you leaned back and lowered yourself as far as you could to the ground and then pulled yourself back up with the rope)
5. The in-betweens -- In between every second or third exercise we'd do one of the following - push-ups, planks, or side planks
6. Men vs. women races: We had a bench with 35lb weights on it for the women and almost 3x as much for the men. We had to pull the bench (running backwards) across the gym and then push the bench (running forwards) back to the starting position. The losing group had to do 20 push-ups. We did two rounds of this
7. Stretching

I did my first non-modified plank yesterday.  I also tried the WiO hamburger buns and they tasted good.

A better day

Today was much better than Tuesday or Wednesday. I think I've finally figured out a way to handle eating broccoli -- homemade cheese sauce. I used 3/4tbsp of EVOO, 1/2tbsp of butter, 2tbsp of sour cream, and .67oz of reduced-fat sharp cheddar cheese. It has 1.2 grams of carbs...and tastes amazing.

The fitness class was much smaller tonight. Rich had these /horrible/ cards. Someone would draw one and then we'd have to do whatever was on the card. To make matters more complicated - there was a card that doubled the time/reps of the next exercise and a card that required us to repeat the last exercise.  Thankfully Rich let me run on the treadmill instead of running outside. In return I tried to push harder on the treadmill.

I have had a lot of fatigue lately, so I went to the doctor -- of course I then realized I needed to talk to the doctor about 7 or 8 different problems. I had some blood drawn to check my thyroid, vitamin D levels, and to check for diabetes. I really hope I don't have diabetes.

I'm trying to look on the bright side - my highest weight was 254lbs and now I'm 238lbs, so I weight 16lbs less than my highest weight. I'm not great at cognitive-behavioral techniques, especially the cognitive part, so this is going to be complicated.

Lame

Well I lost no inches this week, I did however lose hydration and lean muscle mass. Right now it doesn't seem to matter that I'm following the protocol. I want to quit, but I'm committed to finishing these 18 weeks. Of course, if things keep going like they have been the last couple days, WiO might not get a stellar recommendation from me.

I hate days like this

Well today sucked. I woke up to find out I'd left the fridge open all night - food gone bad. Then I basically failed a test at school (in a class I'm taking for fun). After work I went to the WiO fitness class, and for the first time I wanted to quit the whole thing.

First of all, there are nearly 20 people coming to the class now. More and more of them are already very physically fit. I am the least fit person in the class, by far. We did circuit training again with little breaks in between to do jumps or push ups. When everyone else was done with their 20 push-ups, and I was on number 10 or 11.

Then we ran outside. I gave it my all on the first round because I thought that's all there'd be. I am not good at running, let alone outside. My chest hurt, my head hurt, my entire body ached - then I found out we were doing more. Now not only was I the slowest, I was on display for everyone else to watch.

The worst thing is that I have no coping mechanisms to fall back on. My coping mechanisms include anti-anxiety meds, eating, and self-injury. I have no anxiety meds, I'm not going to binge eat, and I am not going to self-harm again. Right now I'm just trying to repress how horrible I feel.

I'm told "it gets better" and "you're doing so good" and "I am amazed at how your doing" but they ring so hollow to me. I look the same. I feel the same. I'm sick of trying and trying and trying but not seeing results. I get that I've only done this for 5 weeks, but I really thought at $80 a week I'd see some kind of results that I could notice.

More successes

Today was a good day. I lost six pounds over the last week, my hydration went up, and I lost inches. I've lost a total of 11.8 pounds, 2.6% body fat, and a total of 16.5 inches. Here are my new measurements:

Your Measurement Results:
	Neck	Shoulders	Arm	Chest	Thorax	Belly Button	Waist	Hips	Thigh	Knee	Calf	Ankle
First	14.500	49.000	15.000	48.000	43.000	54.000	53.000	53.000	27.000	0.000	17.000	0.000
Last	13.500	47.000	14.000	45.250	41.000	51.000	51.000	51.500	27.000	0.000	15.750	0.000
Diff.	1	2	1	2.75	2	3	2	1.5	0	0	1.25	0

To top it all off I went to Red Robin for dinner and only consumed 8 net carbs...and I enjoyed my dinner. I got the Avo-Cobb-o salad without garlic bread or tomatoes. It was glorious. I took about 1/5 of it home and I just finished eating it.

I've got to work harder on actually going to do my cardio on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Of course, the reason I didn't go tonight was that I went to Red Robin with a friend. Since I go do things with friends about 10% of the time, I decided to take a break for some social health.

Revelations

Today was my most successful day of the fitness group so far. I'm exhausted. I thought I was going to throw up at one point, but I survived. I felt everything in my abs which is not a location that has said "hello!" as of yet.

Also, one of the people in the group mentioned that turkey pepperoni was totally kosher with the program...at least it has no carbs. This led to the glorious salad I had for dinner. I am so full! It's nice to be on a diet where I actually get to feel full.

Tomorrow is my four-week weigh-in. I can't believe I've been doing this for four weeks already. I'm hoping to put up some good numbers tomorrow. I am a little discouraged that had only lost 5 pounds in the first 4 weeks.

Today was especially good because I'm coming off of a couple of bad, emotional days. I even "cheated" -- instead of just having 2 pieces of jerky (7 carbs), I had 4 pieces (14 carbs). I'm hoping that this doesn't set me back too much.

Well, I'm sleepy, so I'm going to go to sleep. I'm an adult, so I set my own bedtime.

Modest successes

Sorry I disappeared. Work and life got busy, ya know?

Modest success #1: I am getting better at doing some of the exercises we do at the WiO fitness classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I can hold planks and side planks (modified of course) without wanting to die quite as much.

Modest success #2: I am still losing inches even though my weight has been hovering around 243 to 246. My new measurements are...[pause while I look them up]...

Your Measurement Results:
	Neck	Shoulders	Arm	Chest	Thorax	Belly Button	Waist	Hips	Thigh	Knee	Calf	Ankle
First	14.500	49.000	15.000	48.000	43.000	54.000	53.000	53.000	27.000	0.000	17.000	0.000
Last	13.500	47.500	14.500	46.000	41.500	53.000	51.500	51.500	27.000	0.000	15.750	0.000
Diff.	1	1.5	0.5	2	1.5	1	1.5	1.5	0	0	1.25	0

So over the last three weeks I've lost a total of 11.75 inches. Of course, I've only noticed the difference in my chest, the one place I'd loved to have stayed the same...I like boobs.

Modest success #3: I went to the Texas Roadhouse and didn't "cheat." Okay, on a scale of one to ginormous this is really a ginormous success for me. I love, love, love the Texas Roadhouse rolls and butter, the fries, the baked potatoes, even the croutons that come on the salads, and I didn't eat any of those things. I ordered the 8oz sirloin with a Caesar salad (no croutons) and broccoli. The server/cooks were great accommodating what I needed to stay good with the protocol.